my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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