She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
FUCK WHALES
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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