some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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