literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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