tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize