when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
