I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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