why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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