i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My feet surprised me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
