her vagine was all disorganized.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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