my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think my fart just growled at me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
