i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
