We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
