meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
