She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
