I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
