We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
