i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
