I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
