I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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