Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
