I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
