So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
