if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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