in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
