ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
