I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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