All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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