I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
