3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
