but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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