You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
