all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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