How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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