Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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