i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
