I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mom said you looked used
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
