we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize