Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
