you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
