I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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