Is it because I queefed?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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