ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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