just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
