I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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