he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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