Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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