My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
