this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the day after is always just damage control
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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