I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
