Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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