My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
