The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to calm my uterus...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
