I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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