Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
