You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
