A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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