Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
