she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
