If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
