so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
