I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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