I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
