Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
