3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
