yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
smell my finger.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
