I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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