Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
