I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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