you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
