I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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