god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
