Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
