Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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