I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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