There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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