I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pants are for mortals
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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