Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
