just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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