it hurts more in the daytime
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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