Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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