someone get that fucking seahorse.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
