Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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