i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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