i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
