I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize