Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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