Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
