hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Randomize
