Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
