Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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