I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize