My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
