This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
