Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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