how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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