i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize