So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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