Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
