OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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