You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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