Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
