Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
