He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
