Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
